the truth of it seeps into everything I do.
I sit here, trying to unwind before I can attempt sleep and that horrible morning pops into my head. I can't stop it. It hits me like a freight train over and over and over. I have to live that moment over again so many times and I feel sickened every single time. Sometimes it is from the moment of Liam yelling at me. Sometimes it is from the moment I walked into the bedroom. Sometimes it is from the moment Patrick came running. But that "moment" which really lasted more than a moment... it felt like a lifetime. It was what living through some war zone must be like. The screams. The cries. The agony.
Why? Why did it have to happen?
I feel so sick. I feel so sad. I feel so empty. I feel agony. I feel helpless. I feel angry. I feel lonely. I feel miserable. I feel despair. I feel pain. I feel numb.
I miss Nolan so much. Why did this have to happen?
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