Survival

We made it one year.  We survived.  We survived the worst possible hell imaginable.  We are still managing to function a year later.  The worst day of my life, of my husband's life, Losing Nolan is the most painful thing.  I do not know how I even manage to breathe each day.  But I do. Breathe I must.  I have 4 other children who need me.  I have four other children who bring me joy. I have four other children who are also survivors.  We have suffered so much this year.  We will continue to suffer.  I will suffer until the day I die.  I miss my son.  I'm angry with God.  I don't know if I believe in God anymore.  There is no sense to Nolan's death.  None.