it just hit me

one year ago today was the funeral.  i wouldn't have even thought of it except that my niece's birthday is this weekend & i remember that hers was the day after.  i also forgot that it was my brother-in-law's birthday. 

so one year ago today was the last time i touch my son's body.  even though it was lifeless, it was his body.  the one that i carried in my womb; the one that kicked me; the one that lay next to my heartbeat.   One year ago, his body was lowered into the earth.   I hate this day for that.