The Other Day

The other day, someone said to me that they were so happy that I was doing so much better.  I thought to myself, wow, I must REALLY be putting on a happy face for the world because I am NOT doing better.  I'm more sad, hopeless, and down than ever.  Yes, I'm sort of used to the fact that Nolan is dead.  But not really.  Sometimes the reality hits me out of nowhere, like today.  I was driving and it hit me, for the thousandth time, that I will never see him again.  never.  it's so f...ing final. 

This is hell on earth.

yeah, i'm not doing better.