Fall Photos without my Son

On Tuesday, we went to Loose Park to take annual fall photos of the children.  The first fall that I took pictures was 2000 and my son, Nolan was just under a year old.  I remember taking just a few shots of him amid the beautiful colors of the fallen leaves from the nearby maple tree.  He sat upon a black bench holding a leaf.  I didn't really think of the fact that I was starting a tradition.  I was just there, a new mom, with my beautiful beloved child. 

Fall of 2014 would have been the fifteenth year of photographing my children in the lovely autumn setting. 

I skipped 2013.  I didn't necessarily plan to skip it.  I still wanted to keep the tradition because I know that is important for my other children.  But I skipped it because Nolan had died. 

Nolan died on December 31, 2012 sometime in the middle of the night because his heart had been infected by a normal, run-of-the-mill virus. 

When fall of 2013 rolled around, I was suffering immense anxiety and grief, of course, over the loss.  Time got away from me.  We skipped the tradition.

So we dressed up on Tuesday for photos.  Upon arrival at the park, I noticed that many of the leaves were still green.  The lovely fall colors were not to be seen, but we were there.  As our busy schedule makes things like this difficult, I moved forward with the tradition.  It's still fall.  The kids are still beautiful.  I still took photos.

It was difficult to do so without my sweet child.  I was sad.  I was angry.  I yelled at my twelve-year old son because he was misbehaving and I thought he should be understanding that this was tough for me. 

2012

2014