Darkness, A Poem

Originally posted on September 7 2014

In the darkness, I cannot help but think of you
My mind goes to that emptiness that now surrounds me
My heart aches with the knowledge that you are gone
The darkness emphasizes the moment of your death
And I cannot help wondering how I continue to breathe
Overwhelmingly sad doesn't begin to describe
The bitterness that envelops my sorrowful soul
Happiness seems to slip from my grasp
The absence of light pushes joy into anguish
The hand reaches for it, but the heart says no
There can be no glimmer in this bleak shadow

photograph, my property

You Lived

This post was originally written on Bubblews by me on July 2, 2014

 

More words inspired by my son Nolan.

You Lived

You lived among the trees
You climbed, scaled, swung
You perched and watched

You lived among the birds
You studied, observed, listened
You fed, you knew

You lived among the woods
You hiked, tramped, camped
You sweated, you itched

You lived among the soccer fields
You ran, kicked, defended
You sprinted with reckless energy

You lived among the world of art
You sketched, painted, wrote
You created pieces of yourself

You lived among our family
You acted silly, laughed, smiled
You loved and you are loved always


Photo Credit: My own
+Poetry +Grief +Grieving

677 Days, A Poem

This was originally posted on Bubblews November 2014. 

For nearly two years, I have risen from my bed
With such miserable thoughts inside my head
I have hoped without hope that it was just a dream
I have hoped without hope that life wasn't as it seemed

For nearly two years, life has seemed off-kilter
There's a knife in my spirit that hurts and bewilders
I have cried tears of anger, bitterness, and sorrow
I have cried knowing I won't see you tomorrow

For nearly two years, I have tried to distract
Wine, coffee, and movies haven't hidden the horrid fact
I have felt dead among the living
I have been false with the smiles I'm giving

For nearly two years, I have struggled to breathe
While inside my soul's agony seethes
I have despaired over fate's decision
I have looked at Faith with complete derision

For nearly two years, our five are now four
Oh how I wish for that one child more
I have watched my others with bittersweet joy
I have missed my sweet, precious boy

Up in Smoke, a poem

My dreams of the future have gone up in smoke
Three brothers are now two
Three brothers that should have grown up together
Two brothers had to bury the other

Five rowdy siblings in a crowded house
Where space was limited
Yet love and laughter were abundant
Now there's more space and less laughter

Five high school graduations, college applications
Weddings and children and jobs
Brothers as best men, as godfathers
Years of always there for each other

I, in my old age, surrounded by my five children
And their husbands and wives and children
Content as I grow old
A heart swollen with love and pride

Instead my beloved child has died
My world has crumbled
My heart now has a gaping hole
My dreams of the future have gone up in smoke

photo credit: my own +Poetry +Jillybean1222-poetry +Grief +Grieving-mother

677 Days

Today has been 677 days without my precious Nolan.  I have such a hard time wrapping my head around that still.  Yes, I have accepted it.  I have no choice as it slaps me in the face each day.  I may have to live with it, but I still hate it with every fiber of my being. 

Here's a poem I wrote today as I thought about the last two years.
http://www.bubblews.com/news/9336739-677-days-a-poem