Remembering Nolan

I have always complained that I have a horrible memory.  I really do.  Not sure what happened to it.  I used to be super smart growing up.... Straight A's, Valedictorian, Gifted Program, etc... etc....  Mommy brain?  Too much alcohol in my wild and crazy college days?  Not sure... but my memory is just NOT what it used to be. 

So now I have lost my son, now what?  Am I going to forget all the wonderful things about Nolan?  Am I going to forget the funny stories?  The special memories?  The day to day boring stuff?  I think that is what I worry most about... just forgetting the day to day things.  I don't think I will forget the bigger stuff like the day that Nolan split his lip open on the tree in our backyard or watching him play soccer every weekend.  But what about his facial expressions when he was happy, when he was serious, when he was being silly????  What about his voice?  What about his laugh?  What about the way he walked?  What about the feel of his skin when he hugged me or kissed me goodnight? 

When Nolan was little, he would start having a tummy ache when we were having something for dinner he didnt' like.  He'd suddenly not feel well, start crying....  Meatloaf.  he always was sick when we had meatloaf.  needless to say, I rarely make meatloaf.  Maybe once a year....  It was cute.  He was little enough that it was just plain funny.

As Nolan grew older, he'd often get teary and say he didn't feel well when he was just plain ol' exhausted.   He always liked to go to bed at a decent time & get a good sleep.  he knew it was good for him.  And he knew he felt better when he did.  So on those occasions when he'd get very little sleep like a campout or a sleepover, the next day he'd often get all emotional.  It was pretty sweet because he was growing up & so mature, but occasionally, he'd still seem so little to me.  My sweet child. 

I remember watching him play with action figures... for years & years, even at 13 years old, he would still be in some imaginary world holding two figures in his hands making sound effects.  Always using his imagination.  Something that children seem to lose as they grow up.  He hadn't lost that.