sometimes....

i just think to myself, if God really cares or listens, then why is HE letting the devil win right now?  I mean, I do NOT feel like praying.  i'm so angry.  I have thoughts that I shouldn't, irresponsible, run away from responsibility, not holy thoughts.  why?  I WANT to do what is right?  I want to be close to God!  Then why, why, why if God listens or cares, does he just let me fall farther away from HIM?????