How will I ever wrap my head around the fact that I found my thirteen year old son dead in bed after going to bed healthy? How will I ever remove that image from my mind? There are some days that it plays over and over again in my head. Other times I will go a month without thinking of that horrific day.
Today was a sorrowful day. I cried the most tears that I have cried in months. Tomorrow is Easter. I don't know if it just suddenly hit me or what. I also stopped the anti-depressant pills. So it's good to cry again. Yet, it felt so painful and powerful. I felt such immense anger towards God today. I said that I hated Him.
I know many of my friends who have a strong faith will be shocked to hear that.
Try to live with the knowledge that God let your son die for no good reason.
Everyone grieves differently. I also hated God for taking Nolan. We are working on getting back together. You can't worry what your more faith-filled friends think ... you have to focus on yourself and healing a little bit more every week. We love you!
ReplyDeleteI don't know how a mother can ever forgive God, especially when it is something so random like Nolan's death.
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