A New Post...

i guess due to google/blogger's annoying issues with adsense, i haven't written here in awhile.  i'll share a post i wrote ELSEWHERE.....

https://wordpress.com/read/post/feed/36926556/893795453

Dates Don't Mean Much

Here's a post from one of my other blogs.
http://www.bubblews.com/news/9745841-dates-don039t-mean-much

Tomorrow is Our Birthday

Fifteen years ago, at this very moment, I was being told that you were coming in a few short hours.  I was about to become a mother. 

 I miss you so much Nolan.

 Happy birthday. 

Life is Not Fair this Christmas

I love the holidays.  I still do.  Even after THIS.  I still love this time of year. 

But I'm sad.

Christmas music has always made me cry because of it's emotional sounds and words.  Now I can't make it through the first line of some songs without tears. 

Christmas shopping has always been a pleasure for me.  I love to splurge on my kids this time of year.  Even before having m own children, I looked forward to spoiling my nieces and nephew. 

Now, as I walk the aisle of my favorite stores it will hit me out of nowhere that I should be buying gifts for Nolan. 

Today has been a rough day with many bouts of crying and shouting at God. 

This will never, ever, ever seem fair. 

I'm Tired

Sometimes I just feel so tired.  

I'm tired of never being able to just wallow in my grief. 

I always have to be on duty for my kids. 

I can never just stay in bed all day even though I want to. 

I always have to take the kids places, nearly every day.  There's no time to just be sad. 

Don't get me wrong, I am always sad. 

I just never get to just BE. 

I'm grateful that I have my other children, please do not think otherwise.  I'm so grateful.  I know they are the only reason I am surviving.   I'm so thankful that they are here for me to take to activities one, two, three, and four. 

However, grief is exhausting. 

exhausting

sometimes I just want to call in sick, but I can't.  i'm a mom.