crawling into a hole

Sometimes that's all I want to do.  I don't have it in me to play the social games anymore.  People talk about people, especially women.  They gossip.  Life goes on.  Other people just existing the way they always have.  Me, not having the energy to play nice anymore.  Kids being mean to my kids... I can't even fake a smile anymore when I walk past them.   Petty grievances that shouldn't even matter.  Nolan is gone.  He is buried just a few miles from where I sleep.  There is now a headstone in big letters telling the world that he died.  Does it show the world what we lost?  Can a stranger know what a wonderful boy he was?  None of it is fair.  Why do I have to go on?  Why do I have to try anymore?  Sometimes it's unbearable just trying...