keeping traditions alive

I have four children still to take care of on this earth... they keep me going.  They make me feel moments of happiness.  I must, must, must keep trying for their sake.  I've always been one for traditions.   And now I have to keep on with the traditions even though a part of me feels like throwing in the towel.  Fall pictures in loose park... oh dear Lord, how can I do that this year?   Yet I must.  Birthdays, holidays, and all that goes with that... I must.  My heart is broken.  It will not ever heal, it won't.  But my heart is still full of love for my family and a family needs a mom to keep it going.  I need to be better about spending quality time with my kids, using a gentle tone, showing them love and affection.  They deserve my all even though I feel like my all is shattered.