things that just don't really matter

it's so easy to get wrapped up in everything and the way everything is supposed to be....  your house is supposed to be clean, your kids are supposed to get good grades, your family is supposed to either do certain things or not do certain things, your job is supposed to earn you a high income, etc.... etc... etc. 

let me tell you.... NONE OF THAT MATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would give anything to have Nolan back. 

I'm trying to get my house clean because I hate not being able to find things, not because it is supposed to be clean.  I don't really care if it's a mess and someone stops by.  It just doesn't matter.  My sanity matters though, so I do want to keep decluttering for that reason.

I still want the kids to do well in school because I think it will help them in life.  But you know what??? if they don't, who cares?!!!!  if they are alive and well even if they are working some crappy job, they will be alive and well!  and to me that matters above all else.  I want them to be happy.  But if it turns out one of them is not college material, who cares?!  The world is full of people who are not college material.  That's fine.  I'd take Nolan living working at petsmart full time and doing art in his spare time any day.....

I just really don't care anymore what people think of me.  I know that there are people in the circles I run in who would cringe at the fact that I watch the walking dead with liam.  Or that my family LOVES harry potter.... whatever!!!!!!  Liam and I bond while watch the walking dead.  so there!  Harry Potter is not evil because it has witches & wizards in it.  It's actually about GOOD winning over evil & if you don't agree with me, who cares?!!!!! 

I'm tired of caring about things that just don't really matter.  Nolan is gone.  I think that puts everything in perspective about what matters in life....