tonight i couldn't keep my eyes open. i fell asleep holding this kindle fire in my hand. exhausted as i am however, i awoke within minutes, stepped out of bed to make sure that Liam was breathing. i placed my hand on his chest and breathed a sigh relief at the feeling of his heart beating. how many times since becoming a mom have i checked their precious heartbeat, their breathing? mostly in that first year of life when i have feared sids, but sometimes i have checked even as they grew older. did i ever really think i would experience that moment of horror that i experienced on December 31? Ciara and Ella are both sleeping with me. i their breathing throughout my sleepless nights. Patrick is sleeping with Logan and I'm sure every night he is doing the same with him. i know he checks on Liam too. this will go on for the near future, but how far into the future? this is taking a toll us.
today i heard of an acquaintance who has a friend that lost her nine year old child about a year ago unexpectedly in his sleep, like Nolan. their autopsy results came back inconclusive. they have no idea what caused their child's death. they too have other children to worry about. how can this happen?
i'm so exhausted. i pray that God allows us to have an answer....a medical answer
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