i know i have already said this & i don't want to be a broken record.... however... i just have this fear that i am going to lose all my children, one by one to some genetic something or other... whatever took my nolan.... i'm so scared. i'm TRYING to allow myself to sleep, knowing that being awake really can't stop genetics from happening... however, as i talk to my kids and say "when you grow up" or "when you are married" or "when you have kids" or "when you go to college".... all i can think is "will they?????" will they have the opportunities that nolan didn't? will they grow up? will they get to be married? will they go to college? will they have jobs? will i get to be a grandma? i'm so, so, so scared. we called the coronor today, still NOTHING.... my boys are dancing to gangham style and working up a sweat, working out their cardiovascular system... and instead of thinking "how awesome?" i am thinking... oh please, don't let them die tonight. i hate this.
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