and functioning... everything is so hard. I can't seem to plan ahead for anything. we are getting ready to go on vacation & just the thought of planning it is overwhelming me... I don't have to do MUCH... just plan our route, get a hotel room for the way down & the way back, pack, make lists, shop for stuff, go buy new tires, etc. but I get kind of sick to my stomach when I start thinking about it.
functioning: school... our school year fell apart. most everyone gets it & says that is the beauty of homeschooling... but i'm still not really handling it. i'm sort of thankful that our co-op is changing this year to more of a core subject, two days a week with homework the other days kind of thing simply bcause of my inability to function right now... i'm hoping most everything will be taken care of & I won't allow the kids to fall behind more than they fell behind this winter & spring... but functioning to actually participate, well that stresses me out... I can't even think about buying books, and other stuff....
functioning..... getting the kids on a chore schedule... haven't been doing it. before Nolan died, Nolan, liam, ciara, and me took turns doing dishes... since my sweet son's death, I have probably made ciara and liam do dishes about 3 times... I could use their help, but i'm just not functioning enough to even get the kids on a good routine... thankfully it's summer.
some people, most probably, who haven't experienced the loss of a child probably just cannot understand why 6 months later I still feel like i'm not functioning properly.... I can hear some of their voices saying "gee jill, it's been six months" no one gets it. not unless you've lost a child. it's unlike any pain or suffering you can imagine...
so my functioning is just doing my best and my best may just not be much at all... but i'm doing what I can...
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