old people should die first

Today I read that Edith bunker died.  A favorite actress from my childhood.  Sure it is sad.  But I can't help but think. "Why did she get  to live to 80?  Why not my sweet son?   Why did he only get 13 years on earth?"  It doesn't seem fair.  I'm certain both, my mom and my dad, would gladly have switched places with Nolan.... they are merely 70 and 71 years old....still full of life.  I hate the thought of losing them....hate it.  But I know they wish they had gone first.  The day after Nolan died ((hate, hate, hate those words!!!!!!))  Our wonderful ninety-something priest went to the hospital, it was serious.  My first, selfish, selfish, selfish thought was. WHY DIDN'T HE DIE INSTEAD OF NOLAN!!!! I love this priest....love him.  But he should have gone before Nolan.  He should have.  It would have been sad, yes, but his death at ninety-something would make sense.  Nolan's death does not, cannot, will not, EVER make sense.
I had someone ask today how I was REALLY doing.... not many people ask that question.  This is an acquaintance who has really touched my heart since Nolan died.  She's one of the few who blatantly asks about Nolan and I love her for it.  Not related at all to my above commentary.... but this woman whom I barely know just seems to"get" me more than so many other s.... she asked today if it was ok for her to mention Nolan...I said YES!!! Please talk about him .  Please say Nolan's sweet name