Distracted on Nolan's Last Day

I can't bear the thought of how distracted I was the last day Nolan was alive.  It sickens me.  I think of him telling me that his teeth were getting whiter and I said "uh huh." as I looked briefly at him, then back at whatever screen I was busy looking at.  that's me.  the distracted mom.  the computer/phone/tablet mom.  I love my kids.  do they know?  or do they think I love the internet more?  did Nolan know how loved he was, how loved he is?????  I miss him more than anything and would give anything to have that day back, to spend every moment talking to him.  listening to his precious voice.