spinning out of control

I feel like this past year has been nothing but chaos, and not the good chaos.  There is a constant feeling of tension. There is a lack of peace and order.  I yell a lot.  I'm failing miserably.  Perhaps I was failing even before Nolan s death.  I know something needs to change for the sake of my children.  Our home feels so fragile, my children are fragile.  I yell and scream.  They argue and fight.