I wish I could dream of him....

Nearly one year since my child left this earth and I still do not dream of him.  I had one small dream that he was in very briefly.  It wasn't deep and meaningful like other dreams I hear of.  I want a dream.  I want a dream that feels like he is in the room with me.  Liam had one of those.  I need something like that. 

I physically ache inside.  That hole feels so much bigger today than it did even six months ago. 

I have so much extra stuff happening right now too.  It is all feeling like so much to handle.  I'm overhwhelmed with grief and anxiety and worry and sadness. 

Why can't I spend time with him in my dreams?  is that too much to ask?