Looking at photographs of you will make me cry
Looking at photographs of you can make me smile
Videos of you usually bring tears
I have anger at all times: sometimes simmering beneath the surface, other times exploding , often misdirected
I pray for a sign, yet I'm no longer sure if I have faith
I don't talk to you as much as I should, but I miss you more than is imaginable
Sometimes I push your memories away from me instead of immersing myself in them
The pain still feels physical after all of this time
As it nears two years without you, I continue to wonder how it can be true. I will even occasionally pinch or slap myself to try to wake from this nightmare
Losing my thirteen year old son unexpectedly in his sleep because his heart simply stopped is not something that I can just get over.
Though I do not know the loss of a child in the way you have, I do understand the grief you share. I feel similar grief in relationship to my only child, who is inconsistent with her communication, which leaves me feeling flat.
ReplyDeleteKnow that I celebrate you as a woman, mother, friend, and "sister".... you understand the grief of women around the world, because you love so deeply.
Hugs and much love to you, Jill.