we don't know what killed my beautiful son, Nolan. he went to bed seemingly healthy and never woke up. as we struggle through this horrifying pain, we are also facing this immense fear. we are scared to death!!!! what about our other four children? what if it is hereditary? what if the same thing happens to one of the others? I'd pray for God to protect them but I'm having a little hard time trusting God right now when he is the one who took Nolan from me. an autopsy was performed, but results take a long time and even then may be inconclusive.... really??? so we are looking into genetic testing for the kids. in the meanwhile,I can't sleep. I'm scared. and every night my daughter asks me if she's going to die in her sleep too. she is scared. my body wants sleep.my brain is afraid of it. oh God we need answers soon. it won't bring Nolan back. but it may help the rest of US to function again. my daughter just fell asleep....it is 2:25am...... that isn't good for her. this isn't good for me . my tummy hurts and I'm exhausted and I'm sad, oh so enormously sad
I pray that you will get the answers you need and once again will be able to sleep in peace. I can not imagine the fear and anger that you are experiencing right now.
ReplyDeleteJill, this is VERY, VERY good that you are writing. It will help you work through the truly normal emotions you are experiencing. None of this makes sense, and God seems like the last one you can trust and probably is the object of your rage. He wants honesty from you, so be real with Him. Let the prayers of others carry you when you might not be able to pray yourself. You know that you are greatly loved and supported by many.
ReplyDeletetake care of yourself, Jill, so you can be there for your family. Don't be afraid of looking for help so you can get the rest you desperately need. Kirsten
ReplyDeletethis blog may very well save everything you are afraid of losing (as if you have not lost enough). your sanity, your marriage, the relationship with your other children. it probably doesn't seem like much, but just writing about it so BRAVE. and i hope you get the most amazing, "helpful" (i know, nothing helps) comments and support. love.
ReplyDeleteThis is 1hopefulman from Bubblews. My belated condolences and I hope that you have some answers by now.
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