I thought perhaps I'd sleep better tonight. we are in a hotel room, all in the same room. I was wrong. I did doze for a few minutes near midnight'...but yeah, that didn't count. I'm listening to every of sound my kids make. I'm reliving the worst day of my life, Dec 31,2012', in my mind. the night is so dark and it seems to be best ignored by reading pinterest, Facebook, playing words with friends, checking email..all until I can no longer keep my eyes open.
we were given the gift of three nights at a hotel with water slides, pools, etc, by my husband's siblings and mother this weekend. the kids are loving it.I'm mildly distracted for a bit, then in tears...it is really for the kids though and I'm happy that can enjoy themselves. Liam seems sad. I know he misses Nolan.
while we are out of our house, the homeschool community is cleaning and fixing at our house.I'm embarrassed at the sight of my house. I'm scared of them doing too much. I don't want the memories of Nolan to be wiped away by accident...I'm grateful for the love and kindness they are showing our family. I'd trade all of it if I could have Nolan back. I'd trade my life for his. I'd spend my life in solitary confinement if I knew he was living out here with the rest of the family. I would be a friendless, lonely soul if I could have Nolan back.
Jill...I've been thinking of you and your family..seen that you had a blog so sat here reading it all. I have no words that would even come close to ease your pain but know that you are in our and so many thoughts and prayers for you and your family. Take one day at a time...you are a great person, mom and wife and I know that someday you and your family will find some kind of peace. Hope you get some much needed rest Jill. So many hugs to you and your family!
ReplyDeleteJane Kitt
by my calculations, 50% of the homeschool community lives in a nasty house. when a mom is doing like 473 jobs, the house often comes last. if her house is spotless, chances are her kids are not getting videos taken of them being goofy to "you don't know you're beautiful" ... put any judgment anyone might be doing of your house out of your mind and focus on your grieving, my wonderful friend. you know how brave i think you are to let people clean your home! i could not do it; you are so gracious during the worst time of your life. i love you, friend.
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