one a.m.

here I am.  thing is I was so tired that my eyes were drooping by eleven.  I was asleep by midnight.  then my daughter keeps talking and finally woke me up.  how can God have planned this nightmare?  what good is coming from a nine year old girl who is scared, can't sleep, and is falling back into some obsessive compulsive things again.

in the spring, my daughter started these obsessive behaviors like thinking she had put something in her mouth when she hadn't and worrying about it over and over.  it was interfering with school, she couldn't get through half her subjects in one day.  then, thankfully, it seemed to stop.  it is back now and possibly worse.  how can that be a good thing?  I feel like it is driving her and I both nuts.

how can me getting no sleep be good...or Patrick?  the other day I was driving out of my driveway and almost hit someone walking their dog.  I'm a very safe driver normally.  so I'm thinking this exhaustion played a role in that near miss.  Patrick drives a distance to work daily.  is it good for him to be operating on little to no sleep?

I'm so exhausted and haven't even been giving my precious children the attention they need.  shouldn't I have learned the precious time we have is brief and therefore I should be spending the best time with my four remaining on earth kids???? you would think.  but I'm tired and exhausted and doing nothing.  every single thing takes such an enormous amount of energy.