no more tears

I definitely need to change medicines.  I went to group therapy tonight, something that makes me cry every time, and I didn't even come close to crying.  the tears are there beneath the surface.  i'm sad.  I miss Nolan.  I feel empty.

and I mean, I may just need to go off the meds.  keep the anti-anxiety only.  I just want to cry again.  I don't know if I ever will feel "unempty" (I know that isn't a word)

I look at your smiling face Nolan and wonder how you can be dead.