there's so much negativity in our house. i never know how much of it is normal. how much is due to the death of Nolan. all i know is that i don't like the way our family treats each other. i don't like how unhappy i must seem. how mean. how grouchy. i need to find a way to make this family the way it should be. well, it can't be how it "should" be because Nolan is dead. but how it can be in his absence. how can it be happy?
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