Sunday morning

we are sitting drinking coffee, the kids watching cartoons before we head to church.  such a normal thing to do, but it is far from normal.  our small crowded house feels empty.  there should be a growing teenage boy squeezed in between me and Liam on the couch.
yesterday we had a busy day...busy is good I guess.  it distracts a little.... I spent a lot of the day at a friend's house.  Liam and daddy joined us after the scout campout and we spent the evening with them, dinner, drinks.  the whole time, my mind is thinking how Nolan should be there.  we met these friend around the time that Nolan was turning one.  their son Edward's birthday only two days earlier.  the boys have celebrated almost every birthday together.  every single time Edward was talking to me or his mom, my heart was aching because Nolan wasn't there talking to me.  I love Edward and his siblings because I have watched them grow, but it was painful to be around him last night.  I hope that eases up a bit.  I don't see how it will though.

as I drove home, I was saddened because the last time we drove down that street, I was bringing Nolan home from Edward's birthday party less than a month ago.  it feels like yesterday, yet it feels like a lifetime ago.