that first month is a blur... i have vague images from the wake and funeral,i know people came to my house,brought me food,called me...but it is so hazy. yet those early moments from December 31,2012 are etched in my brain....i see them in slow motion....from Liam telling something was wrong until the police officer confirmed Nolan was gone....especially those minutes where i walked into the boys' room, saw Nolan,tried to wake him. the following of chaos, screaming, crying, Patrick attempting cpr. those moments, the worst of my life, i can't get out of head. why? don't want to remember that. why are the images from my last night with him fading, yet the moments from hell are so vivid?
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