Of course, life has a way of happening to change things.
Maturity sits in for one thing.
Then life throws curveballs at you like financial problems and other stress.
Then you fall victim to the world's worst blow: you lose your child. Your thirteen year old son dies unexpectedly in his sleep from an unknown virus/condition in his heart.
Blow doesn't quite do it justice.
Life deals you the most catastrophic, traumatic, sorrowful, unfair blow.
From that point on, you are no longer you.
You are no longer the life of the party. In fact, you often feel like the death of the party. Other people are having normal conversations about normal stuff. Other people haven't lost a child. You know that they all pity you. You want their pity at times. At other times you don't.
You are now carrying this heavy burden. You now have a constant state of sadness and pain that is just THERE.
http://www.bubblews.com/news/9631090-the-girl-i-once-was
Photo credit: my own
for the record, i don't think you are the death of the party, nor were you yesterday by any means. i don't expect you to be ON all the time. i know it sucks for you to not feel so happy go lucky ... and as always i will say that i hate that this happened at all, i really do. and thanks again for the coffee, friend! i love you how you are.
ReplyDeleteJill,
ReplyDeleteI have read through every month here on your blog today. I read some of the posts word-for-word, and others I skimmed, but I feel as if I am there with you, wherever in the big old world you are. (I am in WA state.)
I can only imagine the pain you feel and, that you share it so openly, speaks to your courage and willingness to be genuine and connect with others.
If there is ever a time, where we can sit across the table from one another for a cup of coffee, I hope that we can do so.
Each of us has felt our losses, lived through them. Our battles have been different, but we are in the same war of LIFE.
Much of what you share, I have felt in a different situation. You speak the words on my heart.
Losing is painful, and sometimes we don't know how we will make it through another moment, let alone another day. And yet, you are hear, speaking to so many, including those of us who used to be "the life of the party."
Know that I hold your heart gently in my hands this month. Though we do not know one another, except through writing, know that you are loved.
Coral
Thank you coral! Your kind words mean much to me. I hope to visit WA someday! I've actually always wanted to live in the NW. :-)
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