every single morning i wake up scared... scared to check on my children... scared that one of them will be dead. it's a horrifying way to live, really. is that every going to fade? i just don't see how it will... i honestly think that will be how i wake up every morning for the rest of my life... every night i go to sleep thinking of the same thing, but i also go to sleep worrying that i may be the one to die and then they would find me and be further traumatised. what a terrible way to fall asleep each night. i know many of you out there would just say that i need to pray, and yes, i know i do. but that is just hard right now. I tell my daughter not to worry so much... I know I am worried too. Even more than she is because I understand genetics.
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