stitches, moles, asthma, and stuff

you and Liam spent most of your time in our backyard.  so imaginative, curious, adventuresome.  I'd look at you boys digging in the backyard, finding bugs, building forts, racing each other.  always making up games.  last summer, you created this fun water balloon game that we all played outside a couple hot summer evenings...even i played!   it was great and came from your creative mind.

a few years ago, we had a rope hanging from one of the trees and you would swing on it, like a monkey.  it was great fun that you started and before long all of you kids were taking turns, laughing, having a great time.  one afternoon, you were playing this swinging tree game and suddenly i hear a scream and you come running into the house... blood was everywhere.  you had swung right into the tree with your face, your mouth.  mouth injuries always seem to bleed a lot (something i don't think i knew until i had adventurous kids)..... but this was seriously squirting out and i thought "is there an artery there i should be concerned about?"....  called 911 and panicked, not very calm and motherly like i should have been.  it scared me.Patrick came home, took you into children's mercy, gotcha a couple stitches...you had this cute scar on your lip.....

you had a couple big, scary moles....you were sure you had skin cancer.  you'd be playing soccer and trying to keep your shoulders and chest out of the sun.  it was comical,yet sweetly sad to watch....we had them removed for your peace of mind.  i took you for the procedure.  you were scared.  you cried.  you were  getting so grown up, yet you needed me that day.  i sat and held your hand while they removed them.

asthma....from the time you were four months old,  i would give you breathing treatments....holding you on my lap when you were little, holding the mask over your face middle of the night when you were big and just listening as you did it yourself as you grew into a young man.

being your mother is such a privilege Nolan.  every time i got to care for you, nurture you...a privilege.

 I'm sorry  i messed up and missed that something was wrong with you.  I'm sorry that i failed to nurture you that fateful night.  I'm so sorry