it feels like our family is in a tailspin

It used to feel like that sometimes, just with the chaos that goes with a family of seven.  Life would get crazy.  But the crazy would be mixed up with happiness and love.  Happiness.  Now it just feels like nothing is the way it should be.   So much bickering, too much tv, nothing like it was.  I feel like I'm failing as a mom to keep my family afloat.  Oh I mean, I'm doin what I must, running the kids here and there and everywhere, I'm buying them stuff, I'm keeping us busy, keeping us fed.  But I'm lacking spirit and I'm sure it shows... I try to be happy.

Nolan was so good at getting us to do things as a family.... play a game, go to the park...
I feel so lost without him.

Today, Logan said that I'm always looking at my kindle...what a great way for him to think of me... I suck