i love music. i'm a rock-star-wannabe & have always been one to sing along with the radio at the top of my lungs. that's me. the kids have their favorite songs. nolan had his favorite songs. the kids are at an age where we put in the ipod & listen to their songs, though honestly, not so much since nolan died. but before nolan died, we'd have it on every day. hot chelle rae, taio cruz, one direction.... one of my favorite memories, favorite moments, with my kids, with nolan, was a weeknight in december. i was waiting for a ride to dinner with my friend mary & we were listening to music & we were all dancing (except liam who was being grumpy). it was so fun. i was thinking "this is the life".... i had no idea that in less than a month that life would be ripped away from me.
but now, music makes me cry.... i still listen of course.
when i hear the popular music that nolan would listen to, it makes me cry. i sing along & get choked up.
when i hear love songs, i now think of nolan. i think of it in terms of motherly love rather than romantic love & it usually works.
when i hear songs from my youth, i cry because i think how carefree and happy i was then & how i had no idea the tragedy that was waiting for me down the road.
when i hear songs that are new that we now like (the first that comes to mind is the duet by pink & fun, just give me a reason) i get sad because nolan never knew them with us....
when i hear music about youth, about living to be old, about marriage, about death, about having fun... it all makes me think of nolan.... i still sing loud, until the tears choke me up. i usually have my sunglasses on, but my kids know i am crying... they hear it in my voice.
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