Monday, October 7, 2013

how can you not be here anymore?

how? 

I just want to scream and cry and scream some more.  i want to throw things.  i want to have a huge tantrum like my sweet ella still likes to throw. 

how can you not be here Nolan?  how?  i miss you so much.  that doesn't get easier.  the missing you.  it gets harder.  because you seem further and further away from me....

i am so mad at God.  so mad.  there is nothing right about this.  you went to bed "healthy" for God's sake!  you were only 13!!!!!  you had everything in the world to live for! 

you are my boy & i miss you so much.  how can you not be here?

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