one of the many firsts that we have to do, that we must continue on for the sake of our family, our kids, and truly for ourselves. sometimes I think the easy thing would be to curl up in a ball and never allow myself to be happy again. but honestly, I am TRYING to be happy. i'm miserable much of the time, but I am aiming for happiness. so I want to enjoy Halloween with my children, even without Nolan. it seems impossible. but I must. so our first year, tonight, without Nolan. .... we are going to carve one for his grave too.
one of the many firsts that we have to do, that we must continue on for the sake of our family, our kids, and truly for ourselves. sometimes I think the easy thing would be to curl up in a ball and never allow myself to be happy again. but honestly, I am TRYING to be happy. i'm miserable much of the time, but I am aiming for happiness. so I want to enjoy Halloween with my children, even without Nolan. it seems impossible. but I must. so our first year, tonight, without Nolan. .... we are going to carve one for his grave too.
I'm so glad you take so many pictures..keep taking pictures!
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry.i just came over to say exactly what erika said ... good that you always took so many pictures so you have them as the tiniest bandaid imaginable, but it's something. i'll be thinking of you as you take the pumpkin to his grave. he is watching all you do this season and wants you to be happy with the other kids, don't you think? how you keep going is unimaginable to me ... you are a rock.
ReplyDelete