Immature Idiot

So recently my feelings were extremely hurt by someone who supposedly cares about me & my family.  It upset me immensely.  It still does.  However, I've reached a conclusion:  it's their problem and not mine, this person is an immature idiot.... asshole to be more precise.  Seriously.  I mean who says stuff like this:

"you're house smells"...

I'll tell you who, a 12 year old kid, not a 50-something adult. 

Even if it is true. 

You just don't say that to ANYONE.... unless... you are... an asshole....immature... an idiot.  yes, i'm speaking out because I was SO HURT.  SO UPSET.  I lost sleep over it. 

I talked about it with a few friends and realized another thing that, yes, my house does smell sometimes... I have pets, I have kids.... and yes, i'm not a great housekeeper. 

But the thing is, when this person visited our house, I cleaned my ass off, febreezed the hell out of everything, burned candles, mopped, andmopped again.... if it "smelled", it probably smelled like Lysol with a hint of Willie (our dog, because let's face it, if you have a dog, it's impossible to rid your house of that smell... the one thing I don't miss about him)....

Then there was a brief stop at our house after Nolan died.  And honestly, who knows how my house smelled that time.  It could have smelled like anything and I wouldn't have noticed. 

To be honest jerk, until we got rid of Nolan's bed IN WHICH HE DIED there was a horrible smell because when he died his body released everything... and no matter how many times we tried to clean it (me, my dad, who knows who else) the smell was impossible to get rid of.  So yes, jerk.  maybe you smelled the smell of Nolan dying.  Asshole. 

Yes, now I am no longer "hurt" I'm pissed.  I'm angry.

And you know, I know that I don't get a "pass for life" because of losing my son... I know that.

BUT..... you would THINK that someone who LOVES us would at least be KIND to us 9 months after losing our child. 

YOU WOULD THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah... sometimes my house might smell like a dog (no more though), 2 cats, a reptile cage, boys who can't seem to hit the toilet, a 2 year old who is potty training (or was in diapers at the time), food cooking, dishes in the sink from yesterday because I was busy running my children all over the place today, cookies baking, candles burning, spoiled milk because sometimes my kids pour themselves a cup of milk, then leave it in an odd place that I don't notice UNTIL it smells, laundry that I left in too long because again, I am running 4-previously 5, children everywhere, wet something (because my kids spill things and I don't always kjnow it)

Here's the thing, I am REALLY REALLY one of those people who hate bad smells.  So that is probably why I took this so personally.... I will smell and odor in my house of children and will then go crazy trying to locate the source.

I'm obviously NOT type-a.  My house is not always like YOURS. 

But guess what?  I do not give a shit.

I don't.

My son died and even though I already knew what was important before his death, I know it even more now.

Here's what matters:  family, loving each other, kindness, home....

My kids have fun at home.  Sometimes they drive me nuts because they DO leave milk somewhere unknown, the boys DO pee and miss the seat, ella does spill water and not bother to tell me.... That's life. 

We do not know how much time we have on this earth.  Obviously.  My healthy son died in his sleep when he was a mere 13 years old.  We thought we had all the time in the world.  We didn't.

I'm not going to waste my time worrying anymore what people think.  I'm not.  I'm raising my children to know love, to know God, to know respect, to know kindness, to know charity.  I pray none of them ever speak like this person spoke to me.  I talk to them often about hurting the feelings of others. 

I'm still working on the anger thing... even though I'm not going to "worry" anymore what people think, I'm human.  I'm still angry about this.  I hope I get over that... though I don't know if I will.  Right now, I could care less if I ever see this person again in my entire life, which is sad because before he said this, I always really thought a lot of him. 

But I may always feel that way. 

Side note:  I'm angry with God right now about Nolan.  Don't know if I will ever get over that either.  So perhaps I need to work on my anger issues while this person learns about how to be human.