Nolan's Prayers

When we would say nighttime prayers as a family, Nolan would say much of his prayers exactly the same every single night.  I have been trying to picture his voice saying prayers when we say prayers.  I can't remember the first thing he'd say, but he'd say "please bless my friends, my family, the world.  Please let willie not poop or throw up. Please let us not get rid of him ever"  that was part of it.  and he'd always say them fairly fast...  he'd pray that no one in our family get any bad disease.  that we'd all live a long time.  I can't remember his exact words for those parts.  sometimes he'd be saying them and he'd stop and ask if he had already said a part that he would say every night....

Patrick and Nolan had such a good relationship.  Part of that was their faith.  They would walk together and say the rosary some evenings.  Some evenings they'd just say it in either the boys' bedroom or ours.   

Our last night on earth with Nolan, Patrick was blessed to have spent some time in prayer with him before going to bed.  They had a little theological discussion after prayers.  If I remember correctly, Nolan asked Patrick if Mary could have said "no" when the Angel came & said she was going to have baby Jesus.  What a deep thinking kid.    He truly did have a strong faith.  He always wanted to do what was right. 

I was thinking the other day about when we only had 3 kids & Nolan would pray every night for God to bring Ciara a baby sister.  When I eventually became pregnant with Logan, he continued to pray for a sister.  We had to find out the sex of Logan because I knew there'd be some disappointed kids if it was a boy and we hadn't been forewarned since the prayers every night from Nolan were for a sister for Ciara.  I think about how good it is now that Logan is a boy for Liam's sake.  I know how much Liam misses Nolan and the fun times they had together.  I see Liam play rough games now with Logan.  Sometimes they are laughing and playing and it reminds me so much of Nolan and Liam playing like that.  So I am thankful that Liam has Logan.  It's not the same, of course. 

I wish I could pray right now.  I still can't really.  Oh I do sometimes because it is just in me to pray... but my faith is just so devastated....  I do not know how to make it strong.  I just don't.