jealousy

it's irrational, it's selfish, it's not right.... but I am so jealous of everyone now.  everyone that is happy.  everyone that seems to have everything go right for them.  when I "hear" them on facebook saying the most minor thing, I hear it in a disturbing braggy voice.  even though these aren't people who brag.  these are kind, loving people who are just sharing their life like so many of us do on facebook, including myself....  but right now, all of it hurts when I see it.  facebook always has kind of lent itself to that, to envy...  you know, one week I am struggling to pay the bills while I see joe schmoe posting pics from a fabulous vacation... or one week I am irritated with dear hubby about something because that is marriage, there are irritations sometimes, but that week I am irritated, everyone is posting about a handy dh who builds a deck or a dh who surprises them with something fantastic...  so that's facebook in general.... but now, oh yeah, now with my loss being what it is I am jealous about the stuff like "today is jimmy's birthday, happy birthday to my firstborn son"... yeah, that makes me jealous.  or just the normal mundane stuff that makes me feel like why can't I have normal and mundane and normal and NOLAN right here with me.... why?????  i'm so sick of this pain.  I ignore it as much as I can.  I distract myself, mostly with tv or dumb games on the computer.  but it's there.  and I am so jealous of everyone who doesn't have this pain.  i'm jealous.  it's irrational, it's selfish, and it's not right... but it's just the way I am right now.