things we meant to do

life gets away from us all... summer is a good example.  you wait & wait for summer & you can't wait to relax, but you gotta do this & this & this too, but most importantly relax... then the next thing you know, you are school shopping & dreading getting back into that schedule and routine.  summer has gotten away, again.  and you probably didn't do everything you meant to do that summer.  this summer we missed our annual blueberry picking... it just didn't happen.

there were things I meant to do with Nolan or I meant for Nolan to do or Nolan wanted to do or Patrick wanted to do with Nolan... things.  lots of things. 

a big thing that Nolan and I had talked about for probably 2 years or so was that he was going to illustrate my book.  yes, I have ideas of writing a couple books, one of which is a children's story in the style of judy blume (more tales of a fourth grade nothing than deenie) and Nolan was going to illustrate it.  he'd occasionally bring it up "when are you going to write that book mom?"  and i'd say, oh someday Nolan.  and you are going to illustrate it!  don't forget!  I think I wrote 2 pages of it.  never got around to having him even sketch any of the characters.  I wish I had.

a newer idea of mine that started brewing about a year ago was to take the 5 kids on a long "we are cool and flexible because we homeschool" road trip.  we'd camp out.  we'd stay with friends.  we'd be gone about a month or maybe two.  who knows?  it would be hard to be away from Patrick that long.  but it was something fun I thought we could enjoy.  I still want to do that.  but now, Nolan will not be with us.  it won't be the same. 

so many things.... just little things.  some dumb.  some inconsequential.  but things. things we meant to do.  none seem dumb now because we should have done them... aw Nolan.  i'm sorry.  i'm sorry we didn't get to do everything we should have.