I read something last night in about the best grieving book that I have read so far. It is called Roses in December and it's the first book that I have read that has actually had a more hopeful tone to it. The author is strong in her faith, which I think is key to surviving something like this, possibly even thriving. I can't imagine myself ever "thriving" again, but who knows....
Anyway, there's one chapter in the book written by the older brother who has lost not only one sibling, but three. He says something about how it's normal and natural to grieve and be sad in front of your kids. However, at some point, the kids shouldnt' see mom and dad always being sad.... At some point, mom and dad need to be happy again. Otherwise the siblings will think something like "well gee, only so and so could make mom and dad happy, I guess I'm not good enough to make mom and dad happy".... And really, that does make sense. They see mom and dad sad for years, then they will feel like the family's happiness was all tied up in the other child. And that isn't fair to the kids.
Our grief is still so brand new. It's still just raw as hell. I honestly can't imagine ever feeling hopeful again. However, reading this book, this mother lost 3 children over the years. And she sounds hopeful. She's still sad. She still misses her children. But she has found a way to be happy. And the sibling was happy. That's so important.
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